Things To Make You Laugh
Writer’s workshop
We can all agree that it’s hilarious when things don’t go according to plan, when people get hurt, and when things start out serious and become less serious because of the situation that someone gets put in. Well i’m here to entertain you by explaining things that have happened to me that had a funny outcome. Woo here it goes.
Okay so picture this, so there is this girl i know and. we’ve been friends for a while and appearrantly she had a stealing problem. See but she didn’t steal things like C.D.s or video games like a normal person. oh no, something else caught her eye. Can u guess what it is? I bet you can’t so i’m gonna just tell you. This girl liked to steal chicken from the city market. I know right? how absurd! I know i thought the same thing! Like who in the hell steals chicken? Well obviously this girl! So what she would do as a daily routine is, go to school and the once the bell rang to go home, she ran her ass down the hill to city market as fast as her short stubby legs could take her. Once she got inside, she would go to the deli, and with her devilish scheme in mind she ordered herself 8 pieces of chicken. And after the lady who was working that day, handed her the chicken, with a huge smile on her face my friend replied ever so politely with a thank you. As shes walking away she did her absolute best to avoid that cash register that was open just for her, and walked straight out the front doors of the store.
So finally a couple days later she decided that she was going to strike once again. Only this time it didn’t go as smoothly as she expected. She was finally getting out the doors when, she was almost out, a lady put her hand on my friends shoulder and asked her what was in the bag. My friend looked at her and replied “nothing for you bitch!!” And the lady with her face as red as a tomato, grabbed my friend by the hand and said you need to come with me. The lady led her to a room in the back of the store. She looked at my friend and pointed at a chair and said sit. as if she was talking to her pet dog or something and my friend rolled her eyes and proceeded to sit. The lady at this point took a deep breath and said empty your bag. At this time it finally hit my friend that she was finally getting in trouble for a crime that she had commited so many times so easily. So she grabbed her bag and tipped it over and there on that table lay the 6 peices of chicken that have tempted her to take without purchase. The lady stood there with a puzzled look and finally said chicken? my friend shrugged her shoulders. is that it? replied the lady and my friend said yes damn. The lady said ok well we had to call the police on you, and they will be here any minute.
My friend sat there with her arms crossed and waited. As she waited she was thinking to herself damn i’m hungry, i wish they would at least let me eat the chicken sense i’m getting in trouble for stealing it anyway. Once the police arrived, they handed her a paper and told her to write a statement of what she stole and how she stole it. She sat there and stared at the paper. Then she began writing. she wrote how she was super hungry and didn’t care she was gonna get herself some chicken one way or another. She wrote about how she hid the chicken in her bag and was planning to walk out the doors without paying and once the close is clear she was going to stuff her face with the delicious chicken from the deli. My friend then handed him the paper and under her breath said here pig. The officer looked at the statement and sighed and he explained to her that she was being charged with petty theft. My friend looked at him and replied what really? Hell no i’m not going to court. the officer laughed and said it would be in your best interest to do it. my friend just rolled her eyes. The officer said by the way you have to call your mom and she has to pick you up from our custody.If you fail to get a hold of her then you will be hanging out with us downtown. By this time my friend is about to piss herself. Quickly she gets out her phone and starts dialing. Her mom answers the phone in such a good mood and her mood was about to change. My friend told her mom i got in trouble for stealing at city market and i need you to come pick me up. her mom was yelling so loud that you could hear her! She was ripping my friend a new asshole. Once her mom got there she was so ashamed of what her daughter had done that she was apologizing to the women who caught my friend and to the officer. As my friend and her mom were walking away, the police officer yelled you better come to court!! And my friend just continued to walk and acted like she didn’t know him.
How funny right? my friend never expected to get in trouble for stealing that chicken. just goes to show that, well for one don’t steal chicken no matter how tempting it smells and, if you ever get the urge to steal from city market, be ready for a bitchy ass lady to stop you and pull you in a back room. where the police will be called on you.
We can all agree that it’s hilarious when things don’t go according to plan, when people get hurt, and when things start out serious and become less serious because of the situation that someone gets put in. Well i’m here to entertain you by explaining things that have happened to me that had a funny outcome. Woo here it goes.
Okay so picture this, so there is this girl i know and. we’ve been friends for a while and appearrantly she had a stealing problem. See but she didn’t steal things like C.D.s or video games like a normal person. oh no, something else caught her eye. Can u guess what it is? I bet you can’t so i’m gonna just tell you. This girl liked to steal chicken from the city market. I know right? how absurd! I know i thought the same thing! Like who in the hell steals chicken? Well obviously this girl! So what she would do as a daily routine is, go to school and the once the bell rang to go home, she ran her ass down the hill to city market as fast as her short stubby legs could take her. Once she got inside, she would go to the deli, and with her devilish scheme in mind she ordered herself 8 pieces of chicken. And after the lady who was working that day, handed her the chicken, with a huge smile on her face my friend replied ever so politely with a thank you. As shes walking away she did her absolute best to avoid that cash register that was open just for her, and walked straight out the front doors of the store.
So finally a couple days later she decided that she was going to strike once again. Only this time it didn’t go as smoothly as she expected. She was finally getting out the doors when, she was almost out, a lady put her hand on my friends shoulder and asked her what was in the bag. My friend looked at her and replied “nothing for you bitch!!” And the lady with her face as red as a tomato, grabbed my friend by the hand and said you need to come with me. The lady led her to a room in the back of the store. She looked at my friend and pointed at a chair and said sit. as if she was talking to her pet dog or something and my friend rolled her eyes and proceeded to sit. The lady at this point took a deep breath and said empty your bag. At this time it finally hit my friend that she was finally getting in trouble for a crime that she had commited so many times so easily. So she grabbed her bag and tipped it over and there on that table lay the 6 peices of chicken that have tempted her to take without purchase. The lady stood there with a puzzled look and finally said chicken? my friend shrugged her shoulders. is that it? replied the lady and my friend said yes damn. The lady said ok well we had to call the police on you, and they will be here any minute.
My friend sat there with her arms crossed and waited. As she waited she was thinking to herself damn i’m hungry, i wish they would at least let me eat the chicken sense i’m getting in trouble for stealing it anyway. Once the police arrived, they handed her a paper and told her to write a statement of what she stole and how she stole it. She sat there and stared at the paper. Then she began writing. she wrote how she was super hungry and didn’t care she was gonna get herself some chicken one way or another. She wrote about how she hid the chicken in her bag and was planning to walk out the doors without paying and once the close is clear she was going to stuff her face with the delicious chicken from the deli. My friend then handed him the paper and under her breath said here pig. The officer looked at the statement and sighed and he explained to her that she was being charged with petty theft. My friend looked at him and replied what really? Hell no i’m not going to court. the officer laughed and said it would be in your best interest to do it. my friend just rolled her eyes. The officer said by the way you have to call your mom and she has to pick you up from our custody.If you fail to get a hold of her then you will be hanging out with us downtown. By this time my friend is about to piss herself. Quickly she gets out her phone and starts dialing. Her mom answers the phone in such a good mood and her mood was about to change. My friend told her mom i got in trouble for stealing at city market and i need you to come pick me up. her mom was yelling so loud that you could hear her! She was ripping my friend a new asshole. Once her mom got there she was so ashamed of what her daughter had done that she was apologizing to the women who caught my friend and to the officer. As my friend and her mom were walking away, the police officer yelled you better come to court!! And my friend just continued to walk and acted like she didn’t know him.
How funny right? my friend never expected to get in trouble for stealing that chicken. just goes to show that, well for one don’t steal chicken no matter how tempting it smells and, if you ever get the urge to steal from city market, be ready for a bitchy ass lady to stop you and pull you in a back room. where the police will be called on you.